FaceBook status messages have many uses: sometimes it's to let people know how you're doing, what you're listening to or watching, or what your opinions on something (somewhat) important (at least to you) are. And then there's the good ol' Cry for Help. Because you're depressed, emotionally unstable, and struggling with life, but you've lost the backbone necessary to reach out to someone.
For those poor lost souls who need some ideas on an appropriate Cry for Help, here are some options, to make the people in your life feel sorry for you.
Please note, if these don't work, and nobody cares, and you kill yourself, neither I nor FaceBook is responsible for the failure of these statuses working for you.
(Note to FB Police & concerned cyber-citizens: all names used here are random, and are not intended to victimise any real and / or specific person)
CRIES FOR HELP:
Tim just wrote his last note. Ever.
Janie can't remember if it's "across the road" or "down the street"...
Jake knows that love can be found on the Russian mail-order bride site.
Dex wonders if connecting the hosepipe to your exhaust works if you're using unleaded.
Dereck just enjoyed his last day. Ever.
Marc WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME YOU FRIGGING WHORE!! I LOVED YOU I LOVED YOU!!!
Melanie will be unavailable in the near future. If you want to speak to her, contact John Edwards...
Craig needs advice on which religions don't treat suicide as a mortal sin...
Elizabeth has picked out a nice street corner for herself.
Jesse loved the last Black Eyed Peas album.
Cara will miss her family.
Ted is... [okay this one is really overused]
Jen says, "Goodbye, cruel world." [a classic]
Tania just enjoyed her last meal. Ever.
Sonya why? WHY? WHY?!?!?
Kerrie hopes her boyfriend is still alive. And if he is, WHY HASN'T HE CALLED!?!
Jonothan voted for the Republican Party, and feels pretty darn good about that.
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