I know all twenty of you will find it in your hearts to forgive me. Anyway, I was thinking about bitching about politics in my home country, and how short-sighted and retarded everyone in it is (and I do mean everyone).
But it's too depressing, and will probably lead me to a very short-lived and fatal crack-cocaine addiction, so I'm going to concentrate on things that make me happy.
Like ninjas!
I love ninjas. I've loved ninjas since I first heard about ninjas at the age of five, and will probably love ninjas all the way up to my dying day, and beyond. Yes, emulating ninjas may be the only way I can get past St. Peter at the Pearly Gates one day. That, or possibly finding my celestial permenent record and burning the fucker.
Yes, ninjas rock. It's hard to say why, exactly. Perhaps it's a hodge potch of things. There's a list:
1) Ninjas have great fashion sense. They didn't come up with assassin-chic (it was these guys, I think), but they did make it popular. With ninjas, the new black is always black. And masked. And menacing in such a cool way. Fashion stylists agree: the simple but effective gear is still popular after 600 years.
2) They were medieval MacGyvers. These bloodthirsty warriors got inventive with their weaponary. They were the first to really make use of gunpowder in Japan. For instance, if they were fighting stupid pirates, they'd reach for their sword. The pirate (who is stupid) would laugh because soon, after watching the ninja flail around like an epileptic cobra, would reach for his flintlock. But the pirate doesn't reach for his flintlock. Because the pirate's head has been removed from his body with a powerful exploding force. The ninja has just earned a headshot with his pistol disguised as a sword. Yeah, that's how they roll, bitches.
3) They were among the first feminists. Feminists who could kick your scrawny male chauvenist ass. They trained female ninjas in the deadly arts, so they could assassinate high-profile targets disguised as geisha. Yip, you're a high powered shogun, just relaxing in a bath with a lovely lady when she whips out her war-fan, and off goes your head. Both of them.
4) Ninja Magic. Ninjas could do awesome spells and turn invisible and stuff. Okay, not really. What they could do was develop and innovate on methods of psychological warfare. They perpetuated myths about themselves that got engrained into the popular psyche of the time, increasing fear from their enemies. Their methods were later used by fictional crime-fighter Batman, one of the few superheroes with no real power, and thus an increased reliance on trickery and sneakiness. This even got acknowledged in the movie Batman Begins, when Brucie gets ninja training.
5) Ninjas generate wacky ideas. Yeah, for instance, I'm going to work on my screenplay for the movie Nigerian Ninja, in which our hero goes to Somalia to battle pirates. Single handedly. I'm sure Hollywood will love it, and I'll make tons of money. If I don't, I guess I'll be stuck writing this blog for the rest of my life.
oh no you didnt!
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