How to survive being dumped

So the supposed love of your life has left you.

You may have seen it coming while slowly suffocating to death by your ex-significant other’s increasing coldness. Or you were knocked for six when you walked in to find him/her with your best friend making amateur pornography.

However it played out, you’re in the same spot: alone, lonely and wondering how the heck it happened.

There are really only two options at this juncture:

Get over it, or;

Buy a whole new camouflage-orientated wardrobe along with military-grade binoculars to start your new career as a stalker.

The second option is not recommended by this blog. Here we care, and so will try and encourage our readers to take the emotionally mature road to recovering from a ruined relationship.

Plus, we don’t want you making front-page news for all the wrong reasons.

Things to do:

Positive ways to handle pain

As tempting as it is to drown your sorrows with whatever your favoured poison is, this will actually only prolong pain. Because when you drink to forget, you hold off on the actually processing part of dealing with your feelings.

You’ve got to be brave, and jump right in. Read a self-help book, listen to sad love song ballads. Cry a little. Force yourself to accept that your ex doesn’t want you anymore, or simply isn’t worth the emotional pain of taking back.

Drinking a little with pals might help you have a good time. But overdo it, and you’ll wake up feeling worse. Hangovers are bad – hangovers without Fiddle-Fingers* to comfort you will probably be nightmarish.

Friends

Those buddies you’ve blown off during the past few months of hibernating with Honey-Bunny*? They’re still there, and they’re probably wondering how you’re doing. Give them a call, or test out the waters on Facebook. There’s a good chance they know something’s up when your relationship status on the popular social utility tool changed from “engaged to Lovey-Dovey*” to “suicidally single”.

The last thing you want to do is be alone right now. Your brain is evil when left to its own devices. It will try to convince you to commit suicide through all the “woulda, coulda, didn’t do” thoughts involving your ex. A night out with the lads/ladies is just what you need to remind yourself that you still had loads of fun before you hooked up with Snuggles*.

Lifestyle change

I dated a Goth girl once. I hung out with her Goth friends. It was fun hanging with the doom-and-gloom crowd. Okay, fun wasn’t the right word, but I was getting some action so it was worth it. As soon as we parted ways (a euphemism for “she dumped me, sob sob”), I started hanging out with normal people again. It was great, a real perk. I didn’t have to “mourn the death of the Romantic Era” (what Goths claim they are on about, and the reason they’re dressed periodically like they’re going to Liberace’s funeral) just to get some action.

Maybe you also found yourself hanging with people you normally wouldn’t. Don’t feel pressured to now that the relationships with Baby-Cakes* is dusted. Do what you want, see who you want. One of the perks of no longer dating someone is you don’t have to make compromises anymore.

Let me reiterate that: the price for not getting regular action is: FREEDOM. Braveheart’s William Wallace got hung, drawn and quartered for that right. You only have some minor chest pains, so rejoice!

Change your perspective

As with the last paragraph, sometimes to change major catastrophic agony into a something slightly less painful is putting a spin on things. For instance, your Shnookims* came with a lot of baggage. Baggage you’re free of courtesy of their sudden lack of commitment.

Now might be a fun time to make a mental list of their faults and really examine them.

Here are some examples: snoring too loudly, “too quick on the draw”, bad body odour, too stupid, too intelligent, annoying parents, annoying friends, annoying dog.

Make your own list. You’re even welcome to post it up on this article’s comments section below (just make sure your Tiddleywink* remains anonymous).

Self-loving activity

We’re not talking about, um, a “type” of meditative practice here. We mean, go blow some money on yourself.

Many people swear by a drastic hairstyle change after a relationship has ended. Try it yourself. Just not too drastic… Mohawks are fine in flintlock & tomahawk epics. Not so funky in 21^st Century South Africa.

Get new shoes, start a new wardrobe – provided it’s not camouflage-orientated! What you’re actually doing is helping to establish a new identity for yourself – one that is free and different from the one you had with Huggle-Wuggles*.

And remember, you’re free now! You’re not trying to make somebody else happy. So you might as well be.

* Sad, totally random pet names you probably used with your ex.